Slow Turn
The first time he said it, she'd responded by saying he must be delirious.
That was Julia, always assuming that he wasn't serious. Not that she didn't have reason, of course, but he'd meant what he'd said. But they'd had plenty of time; it was a long trip to New Pacifica. Heck, she might even be right to keep her distance. So he'd laughed and ignored the tiny little pinprick of pain inside.
In hindsight, the second time he'd said it, he may very well have been delirious. Some sort of odd, cold-like bug was working its way through the camp. It was ultimately harmless, but it included a fever so high that some of the more light-skinned in the group actually had burns. Alonzo had tried to brave it out when it was his turn, but he'd never been very good at things like that.
Julia had smiled, a mixture of skepticism and indulgence in her expression, and replaced the cool cloth on his face.
He definitely wasn't delirious the third time he said it, on the beach at what they thought was New Pacifica. He could see in her face that she knew it, too. She'd had no reply other than to turn away. Later, in the caves, when she let him kiss her in a place that was outside their tents, he'd thought she believed him.
But when they got back, Julia never mentioned it and she still kept their interactions light and playful. They were involved, yes, but she kept a part of herself back. "It's for both our protection," she said. "To keep us from getting hurt when the time comes." And he'd realized she hadn't believed him.
In a group this small, it wasn't always the best idea to unburden your soul to someone else. Secrets are best kept when unshared. So Alonzo had kept the hurt to himself and focused on other things.
Or so he'd thought. Even though winter was waning, they still weren't quite ready to break camp and that meant facing more days with nothing but time on his hands. Julia, of course, had plenty to keep her busy, but sometimes things were so far over his head that he was more of a hindrance than a help to her, so he'd stay away. In those times of enforced boredom, he sometimes got to thinking, and he wasn't always able to push it out of his head.
He wondered whether he really had been delirious when he first thought she would believe him.
Until one day Bess had looked at him with an odd expression, and then she'd come over and sat down beside him. "Alonzo, give it time. She'll come around."
"Will she?"
"It was hard enough for you, wasn't it? It's even harder for her to believe you." She smiled. "After all, six months ago you were counting the days, minutes and hours until you could get off this planet."
He looked at her sideways. "Sometimes I wonder if she is still counting."
"She isn't. She just doesn't know it yet." With another enigmatic smile, she stood up and walked over toward another part of the dome. Alonzo wondered just how many more times he might have to say it before Julia believed him.
I think I'm going to stick around.
