Hooked
She did it on purpose. The signs were too obvious. The trunk was lying in plain sight the first time he went into the shuttle after she left. The lock was too easily broken. She meant for him to find it, to open it, to look inside. He knows that, and it's just one more thing that drives him crazy.
He won't admit it, of course. As soon as he found it, he had Jayne move the trunk to a far corner of the cargo bay. He tries to forget it's there. Doesn't want it out in the open. Doesn't want the reminder.
But he can't find a way to forget, and sometimes it doesn't take a reminder.
Late at night, when he's sure everybody else is asleep or at least otherwise occupied, he'll crawl over whatever else is in the cargo bay (thankfully, lately something has been) to get to the trunk. He'll open it. He'll reach inside and find something -- a scarf, a pillowcase, a bottle of incense. He'll draw it out and feel it, smell it, touch it. He'll close his eyes and revel in it like it's some ài mèi drug.
He hates it. Tells himself that it's just a parting shot from that gorramn annoying woman and that it's far better she's off the ship. That he's an absolute sha dàn for even thinking about her, never mind going to the trunk.
Every time he thinks he's saved the money to just pack the thing up and ship it to her, something seems to get in the way. It's just an excuse, but it's enough to convince himself that it's the reason it's still there.
Mal would die before admitting that he's become addicted to the way it feels when he touches Inara's things.
Translations:
- Ài mèi – illicit, shady, ambiguous
- Sha dàn – stupid young fellow, idiot
