“Kate! Her name was Kate!”
“Son of a…”
It all comes together in a flash, and in that moment, he wonders how he could have missed something so obvious. The whispered, interrupted conversations. The lack of a bite in Castle’s tone when he acted jealous. The way Beckett’s features softened at the mere mention of his name.
Ryan can’t resist the urge to needle Castle a bit over the phone, and the author’s odd hesitations and thinly-veiled attempts to find out exactly what happened during the interrogation only confirm the situation. He wonders if Beckett could overhear their conversation.
He doesn’t wonder why they’re keeping their relationship secret. On its own, this kind of ethics violation wouldn’t be severe enough to terminate, particularly if Castle stopped shadowing her. But it’s too soon after her disciplinary suspension. The combination would be too much.
He’d been smiling at the deliciousness of the whole thing, but the smile fades as he thinks about how things might go if they did get found out. How miserable Beckett would be if Castle were barred from the precinct. How miserable he and Esposito would be if they were both gone forever.
It’s not funny, Ryan realizes. It’s scary.
And sobering.
He wonders if Lanie knows. She’s a smart woman; she probably at least suspects something. If she does, and she’s figured it out, that would explain her uncharacteristic lack of enthusiasm with respect to this particular mystery. What she doesn’t know, she can’t betray.
Unfortunately, Ryan does know. He can’t unlearn what he learned in that interrogation room. He potentially could betray them now, and if he did, he’s not sure he would be able to forgive himself this time. He’ll have to be extra careful.
That’s not going to be easy. Lanie’s approach is right. Sometimes, it really is better not to know.
Javier Esposito’s on a roll tonight—and mission. Although he follows along every time Ryan changes the subject, eventually he always brings the conversation back around to The Case of the Secret Boyfriend. He’s just not going to give up, and alternates his ever-more-creative descriptions of Ryan’s supposed surrender with increasingly wild theories about the boyfriend’s identity.
Oddly, though, he never suggests Castle as an option. Ryan wonders if that’s deliberate. Javi’s no slouch in the intelligence department either.
Over the third round of beers, his partner leans over the table and drops his voice to a conspiratorial level. “You do know something. Don’t you? C’mon, man, admit it. You found something out and it’s got you spooked. What was it?”
Ryan takes another swallow in order to hide the expression on his face. “Nothing. I’m still just as much in the dark as you are.”
“Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts, bro. We’re her partners. Her friends! We can’t just sit by and let her get into something crazy.”
It’s way too late for that, Ryan thinks. “Beckett can take care of herself,” he says out loud.
“Yeah, but if we can help her out, why shouldn’t we?”
He hates this. Hates lying to his partner. Hates keeping his mouth shut instead of telling Esposito that the best way to help Beckett is to let the issue drop. That’d come too close to an inadvertent betrayal.
Changing the subject isn’t working. He needs a more potent distraction.
Esposito keeps going. “Didn’t you notice how Lanie looked angry when she was going on about ‘privacy’ and all that? How much do you want to bet she’s holding out on us?”
A really potent distraction.
Perhaps it’s time to suggest fixing Javier up with one of Jenny’s sorority sisters again.
On Monday morning Castle very conspicuously comes in separately from Beckett. He’s in an ebullient mood, greeting everyone by name and trading quips with several people on his way to her desk.
She’s glaring at the computer screen, but her demeanor completely changes when he sits down. All at once, she’s smiling. Castle grins wickedly as he leans in to whisper something, and she blushes slightly in response.
Ryan wants to be glad for them. He really does; these two deserve their happiness. But he’s too busy being worried.
When Castle gets up for a refill, he follows him into the break room. “Must’ve been some weekend. You sure you were all alone?”
“Alone? There were cops everywhere!”
“Not after you two finished solving the murder. You know, together?”
Castle finds a chair and sits down. “You know,” he says quietly. It isn’t a question.
“Yeah.”
“What’ll it take to keep this quiet? A month with the Ferrari?”
“Acting lessons.”
“Why, Kevin, I never knew you had the bug.”
“Not for me. For you.”
There’s a long moment of silence before Ryan continues.
“You have to be more careful,” he says. “Lerner said something, yeah, but you two aren’t hiding it very well. Look at the way you were flirting just now.”
“We’ve done that for years.”
“Not like that.” He moves in closer. “I won’t give you away. But you’re going to betray yourselves if you don’t watch out. Nobody wants that to happen, to you or to Beckett. We love her too, you know.”
Castle nods.
“So you just watch it. I’ll rein Javi in.”
“Okay,” he says. “And Kevin? Thank you.”
Ryan nods and heads back to his desk. It was better not knowing their secret, he decides, but if they can keep it, so can he.
END