The first time he’d said it, she’d responded by saying he must have been delirious.
That was Julia, always assuming he wasn’t serious. Not without reason, of course, but he’d meant it when he’d said it. Still, there was a long trip ahead before they reached New Pacifica; there was plenty of time to argue it out. Heck, she might have even been right to dismiss it. So he’d laughed and changed the subject, ignoring the tiny little pinprick of pain in his heart.
The second time he’d said it, he probably had been delirious.
Some sort of odd, cold-like bug had been working its way through the camp. It was ultimately harmless, but the fever that came with it was so high that some of the lighter-skinned members of the Advance Team had actually been burned. Alonzo had tried to brave it out when it was his turn, but he’d never been very good at things like that.
Julia had responded with an indulgent smile, the kind you give someone when you’re skeptical about everything they say, and replaced the cool cloth on his face.
The third time he’d said it, though, he definitely had not been delirious.
They’d been on the beach at what they’d thought was New Pacifica. Her only reply to the statement had been to turn away. But later, in the caves, when she let him kiss her in public, he’d thought she might have come around. That she’d finally started to believe him.
He’d been wrong. When they got back, Julia had never mentioned the exchange and she continued insisting that their interactions be light and playful. “It’s for both our protection,” she’d explained. “To keep us from getting hurt when the time comes.” He’d gotten up and walked away, but he’d never been able to stay away from her for very long, and this time had been no exception.
In a group this small, it wasn’t always the best idea to unburden your soul to someone else. Secrets had a way of getting out and around; interpersonal ones were best kept unshared. So Alonzo kept the hurt to himself and focused on other things. He knew what his reputation was. Nobody would notice something that didn’t fit their preconceived notions about him, and that suited him just fine.
There were times, though, that it wasn’t so easy to keep pushing the hurt out of his heart. And those led to times when he wondered whether his truly delirious moment had come when he’d thought she might one day believe him. It sounded good as an idea, anyway.
Until the day Bess looked at him with an odd expression. “Alonzo, keep giving it time. She’ll come around.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Julia. I see how it hurts you when she acts like it isn’t real.”
He’d started to turn away, but she’d put her hand on his arm, stopping him. “It was hard enough for you to believe at first, too, wasn’t it? But you did. And it’s going to be even harder for her to believe you.” She smiled. “Six months ago, you were counting the days, minutes and hours until you could get off this planet.”
He couldn’t bring himself to keep denying it, and instead sighed. “Sometimes I wonder if she is still counting.”
“She isn’t. She just hasn’t figured that out yet.” With a last pat of his arm, she headed for another part of the dome, leaving him wondering just how many more times he’d have to say it before Julia believed him, how many more days he would have to count while trying to ignore the pain.
I think I’m going to stick around.